My whole life I have been ostracized for attributes my gender takes full blame for. I'm the last to know things, approached with extreme caution in emergency situations, and the consumer of tissues in even the Greeting Card isle. It is not a bad thing, it is not our fault, and it is not a mystery - anymore. There are ways to work with us. To my fellow Sensitive Sallies - this is for you.
1. DO NOT with hold information from us because you fear how we'll 'react.' Chances are - if a reaction is feared - a reaction is a rational response! If you fear a blubbering mess with one shoe and a shirt inside out showing up to the ER to see you - well - you put yourself in the ER - you're welcome for the shirt at all.
2. DO NOT start a sentence with "I'm okay - but..." Seriously? Let's examine this with even a non-emotional person. "I'm okay - BUT" - um, tell me Heartless Henry - your heart doesn't jolt for a second wondering what the HECK is coming next? Liar. Just sayin'.
Caller - if you're okay - fabulous - end with that - tell me what's NOT okay so the relief from that statement will halt whatever spastic Superwoman motion that's probably in progress with the not okay part.
3. DO NOT let us hear from someone else. Nothing is worse than the caught-off-guard emotion. "I'm so sorry so-in-so was in the hospital" or "I bet you're so excited about so-in-so's news" - ummm - this is the definition of ouch to anyone - but for a Sensitive Sally - you're now dealing with an entire spectrum of emotions. Shock first. Then anger. Then insecurity. Then a frantic glance at cell phone. A fake laugh and or smile. Then hurt feelings. Then anger again. Then curiosity. *If you're the messenger - abort. Just leave. Fast. The facial expressions you see are only the tip of the iceberg. The extensive list of questions that are about to pour out of the fake-smiling-crazy-eyed person you're speaking to will be too much for you. Simply nod. Smile. And run. *If you're the person the messenger is referring to - shame on you. You deserve the phone call you're about to get. And you'll remember it the next time you have news you 'forget' to tell a Sensitive Sally. (I believe I may have just jumped to the top of the phone tree from some readers... hopefully.)
4. DO NOT whisper. Seriously? Everyone knows that Sensitive Sallies have bionic hearing. You think you're being clever? Pshh, giiirl - we think we know what you just said. We're formulating a more-than-likely exaggerated/completely false version of truth we believe we just heard in our heads - and you better pray that the Sensitive Sally hearing it loves Jesus and won't spread that gossip anywhere. You'll be amazed at how quickly a whispered, "Do you have a tampon?" can turn into "Oh my gosh, did you hear that me and Prince Henry are eloping to Russia to adopt African birds of prey, but don't tell so-in-so because I hate her and she smells." and you'll be even more shocked at how fast it can spread throughout a room in 10 minutes.
If you're whispers are not directed toward the sensitive Sally - well - you better believe that she thinks they are now. She's probably tearing up, making a mental list of what she think she just heard, and over-thinking it more than any normal person would, and will likely find a reason to politely leave... so that she can cry in her car.
5. DO NOT leave us out. If you receive a call when Sensitive Sally goes to dinner, has a party, has a cold, had a baby, has a birthday, goes to the mall, etc - you should probably give her a call when any of the mentioned happens to you. Some Sallies are a bit extreme in this - but ones like me - think it's a common courtesy to be included in things we want to include you in. This normally ends up with Rule 3 taking place - and no body likes 2 strikes on their record to they? It stinks for anybody to be the last one picked in gym class - but for a Sensitive Sally - last ones picked usually grow up to be the crazy cat ladies... or find themselves on Pinterest for hours each night... a-hem. Anyways. Even as a courtesy - remember the Sallies - your tone will tell the Sally if you're invitation is sincere - in fact a sincere one will probably come with a comped meal and gift basket delivered later! Ha!
6. DO NOT mistake all tears for sad ones. Tears have a bad rap. They normally exit with the same terrible, unattractive face - but they don't always mean the same thing. Sensitive Sallies will cry generally with every emotion. Joy. Fear. Sadness. Laughter. Pain. Gilmore Girls ending. Good food. We're crying. It's not all bad! So do not tell us to stop. If you do - you too are expected to not blink during sneezes, jump when you're startled, or breathe. Ever. It's not something we can help. So grab a tissue for us, lie and say we're cute criers, and get over it.
I'm sure there are more helpful hints on dealing with the Sensitive Sally in your life - but this is all I could manage for now. And to my dear husband who decided to call me when he had a fender bender today... after the cop... and the insurance guy... and workplace... and after you returned to work.... I love you and am glad you're okay.... sniff sniff. See Rules 1 & 2 and we'll talk later. I'll bring the tissues. ;)
Gotta love my Feasible Fairytale.
