HIS & HERS - a gift from God

Weddings are fun. Showers are too! And inevitably at both you'll receive/see 'his & hers' memorabilia everywhere. That's a neat idea - 'his & hers' - isn't it? To walk into marriage with a defined list of 'this is his' and 'this is hers' is great... or is it? Oh sisters... it is. And this story from my Feasible Fairytale will make you agree...

Once Upon A Time...

My brand new hubby and I moved in to our one bedroom, one bathroom, one closet castle/apartment. It was a lovely apartment. It was sure to accommodate the never-ending-togetherness we just said 'I Do' to - and we were there for each other literally around every corner. Brushing teeth with one sink. Picking out morning wardrobes in one closet. Even sitting and watching tv on the only piece of living room furniture we owned. We were one.

One frightful day (after about 48 hours of that blissful life detailed above), our fairy tale found its first bump. THIS WAS NOT COOL. We were used to living alone. We didn't co-habitate before being wed, so most of what we encountered the first 6 months of marriage was spent asking, 'uh, have you always done that?' We were very used to having our own bathrooms. Our own closets. Even our own tv's when we were bachelors/bachelorettes. This was quite a change.

Our first year of marriage wasn't the most cuddly, inside voice kind of year. It was tough. It was raw reality. Now, not all of it was from the adorable bathroom and closet cuddles we involuntarily faced, we had more than a taste of reality, and pretty much finished the entire carton of it in the first year. But inevitably, the idea of 'his & hers' seemed like much more than a novelty bath towel - it was a necessity.

DISCLAIMER: This has obvious boundaries, and isn't always best or needed for all couples. This is what worked for us, stopped numerous wars, and is done in moderation, not across the board.

We eventually stretched our legs 2 bedroom 2 bathroom apartment - and we suddenly liked each other a whole lot more.

Ladies - boys are gross. They are. And ladies - our hair sheds... a lot. Bathrooms just aren't fun places to talk about - especially when shared. If you're lucky enough to have a master bath with 2 sinks, 2 closets, and even 2 towel racks - well, you're in Heaven and you can stop reading. If your morning routines involve conversations about 'too much hairspray in the air,' 'you didn't flush the toilet again,' 'omg the drain is clogged again' - well - greetings, welcome to living in need of 'his & hers'.

I recently had an in-law stay with us for a few weeks, getting on his feet and preparing to move into our area. I graciously offered him our 2nd bathroom and 3rd bedroom, and though nothing of the impending doom I was about to face moving into my husband's bathroom (yes - we now have 'his & her' bathrooms - one of the joys of no kiddos yet and virtually NO visitors...ever). We scheduled our shower and morning prep to relay each other, as to avoid crowding, and things were good! Until ...

*insert suspenseful 'dun, dun, DUUUNNN' music here* 

I saw it. Facial clippings. IN. THE. SINK. No he didn't. My husband is very handsome. He's a sweetheart. I love him so much. But in an instant - I remembered WHY we don't share a bathroom. Boys are gross.

Things were good for him too! Until ...

*yeah, 'dun, dun, DUUUNNN' again* 

He saw it. Makeup powder on the counter... and now his slacks... and his black dress socks.

Our in-law has gotten settled into his new home and new job now, and the rest of his family has moved here too, and I SPRINTED to 'hers' bathroom the day he moved out. Glory and peace rested on our life once again. He's still gross. And I still shed and spill makeup powder. But when it's done in our own separate places - all is well in the world.

Now, I mention this only because something we saw on TV the other day made this seem blog worthy(er) than the adventure itself. We were watching a show about people hunting for homes, and the wife said very bluntly, "and we need two separate bathrooms - we do not share bathrooms." It struck me like, well, well, look at you too good to share a bathroom with your husband, that's kind of rude - immediately followed by, crap - that's something I will say to a Realtor one day too!

Is this a rude thing? Is this a common thing? Is this a good-for-the-safety-of-everyone matter to others? Do spouses secretly wish they did this, but don't? I'd love to hear your thoughts! ... not that it will change our arrangements ;)

Sunday Morningness

My Fairytale has had its share of hilarity, but one thing I don't feel I speak about enough is my faith in God. See, He is the ultimate Author of this story - so it's only fitting that I post an entry occasionally simply gushing about how cool He is. You with me still? I hope so. This won't be dull - I assure you.

Getting There
There is one day a week that will turn houses upside down, cause traffic jams in bathrooms, blow breakers, burn pancakes, and offer hope after all of it - SUNDAYS. If you're like me - growing up going to church meant stumbling over people hogging the bathroom mirror, a sea of Sunday best rejects strewn on the floor, an occasional argument in the car about so-in-so sitting on my Bible, and a shot of orange juice and a stale doughnut welcoming you into the wide church doors. It is the most hectic bliss a person can encounter, and it's a tradition that looks a little differently for me today. Today, Sunday mornings look more like a grouchy bear stumbling out of bed (no more wake up knocks on the door every 5 minutes), rummaging through clothes (no one to wash something you need the night before), and speeding to church praying the policemen in town have already made it to church (no one else to blame for being late). But it is still my favorite morning of the week. This past Sunday was no exception.

Sitting There
Sitting through church on Sunday mornings isn't quite the same either. LITTLE Tamatha church days consisted of napping, coloring, pouting for having to brush my hair and wear a dress, and the occasional thump on the back of the neck from my Daddy when my little sister used the blue crayon too long and an argument ensued. TEENAGE Tamatha church days meant sitting in the front rows like a big kid, passing notes ever so stealthily, where neither parents behind me nor pastor in front of me would notice, and actually learning occasionally about this God that I dedicated my life to. ADULT Tamatha church days include a little of all - I still enjoy coloring and sitting in the front like a big kid, but those tokens of truth that stick out of a message like a BLARING HORN are what I love about the learning part. I've learned to hear God through messages and worship - and yesterday's message from God (whether the intent of the sermon or not) was this: A relationship with God is one that PROGRESSES - and if you notice a REgression - it's time to reevaluate. (this is where you add the "Wooo!" or "Amen!" or "C'mon Brother" - in case you were wondering.

Going On From There
I sat and pondered that thought through most of the service (sorry R, I promise I'll listen to your great sermon on CD, LOL), and what a GREAT thing to do - to examine your life through the lenses of PROGRESSION vs. REGRESSION. I'm so grateful for the progression I feel I have made in my relationship with God this year. It's been a doozy of a year, that's for sure, but that's the neatest part. Looking back at the pain from loss, the frustration with circumstances, and the everyday 'blah's' that come with life from this past year - one certainly wouldn't view that as a setting for progression - but it has been! Sure, the obvious things like my progression from snoring in church to flirting in church to actually listening in church are easy to see, but the things in my heart - the things only God and I see and know about - those are the things I'm so excited to talk about! I even like that I can see progression in people I know too (not that I can see their hearts, but it's easy to see fruit from work the Lord does in a heart.) I'm so proud of some of the people in my life that are doing this too, PROGRESSING. It's a beautiful thing. But it's also humbling, because as I reflected yesterday, I remembered some seasons in my life that were either stagnant - neither progressing or regressing - or clearly regressing. When I think about those moments, I feel like others are there, and I would like to offer some insight.

REGRESSING? Well yea. And I'm sure you can think of a dozen reasons, circumstances, excuses for it - things that make you feel justified in reverting back to old ways, old thoughts, old frames of mind. Right? Well. Does it feel better to be there? Of course it doesn't. The reasons didn't disappear, the circumstances didn't improve, the excuses don't ease the pain - so now what? This is where I was. I realized that my relationship with God was important, but not something I could hang on a shelf and count on when I felt better. Sure, God never leaves or forsakes you - but He's not a genie in a bottle! You can't put Him away until you're done 'handling things your own way' and THEN bring Him back weeks, months, or even years later, you can't call out to Him in moments of pain or weakness and expect the world to magically be better - then get mad at HIM when they don't. I mean, sure you can - but what if He did that do you? Here's the truth - your relationship with God, however it came to be, was the most important decision you have ever, and will ever, make in your life. Period. So if you believe that to be true - why not treat it like it. View the circumstances, the reasons, the excuses through a different set of lenses - look at them for what they are: temporary, likely unimportant in the big picture, and nothing God can't mold into good. Once I made that decision - to place God on top, and allow all the crud to be filtered through Him and my relationship with Him - a beautiful thing happened: PROGRESSION. I'm no genius or pro on the matter, and definitely need to remind myself of this often, but it's been the easiest and most exciting true CHANGE I've seen in myself. In a situation that 3 years ago would have sent me into a tail spin of self pity, overwhelming anxiety, and many sleepless nights - I now view through the eyes of God. Because of this situation how can He get glory, how does this effect me in the big picture, and what is the Godly reaction? I'm still human - and slip up - but I find that I sleep better, view myself differently, and care a lot less about little stuff and see that a majority of things are simply the sin-nature in others. If I can't change it or control it - I'm not going to try.

*steps down from virtual pulpit* Probably the coolest thing ever about Sunday Morningness is that it lasts all week. It isn't something that stays the same, and neither should your relationship with God. It's a cool thing to look at life and see IMPROVEMENT - I encourage you to do it! Look at the progression of your life! Wooo! And if you're not there - you don't quite see it: start today, look back tomorrow - and celebrate!