Thirty, Not Flirty, & Crying

I needed some time to fully process what took place last week. It was a sad and traumatic experience that I had MONTHS to prepare for. It rared it's ugly head exactly one week ago. Nope, not the Presidential debate. People....... I turned 30. (every person over 40 just laughed, I know)

I've written about this dreaded day's arrival before (see post here) - but now that it's here and I'm older and wiser (ba ha) I thought I'd share my thoughts in the form of a letter for anyone else with a milestone birthday approaching. Consider it my birthday gift to all my fellow earthlings on the brink of mental breakdowns as gray hairs consume your lovely locks and achy joints become more than just something said on commercials. As the oldest of most of my friends, I also feel that it's my duty to blaze the trail for you youngsters still 29. Enjoy friends, we'll get through this together ;)


Dear Aging Human,

This is weird, right? You're about to hit a milestone age. You remember your parents turning this age. You understand now why older folks stop celebrating/remembering birthdays - no one needs the reminder that you're aging, it's not as exciting as finally being 18 or 21. You're thinking more about your life up to this point with utterances of expletives or nostalgic sighs, and a few secret tears you dare only shed in an empty car or shower to drown out your wails. The gray hairs that people pay good money to cover are starting to be more noticeable and it's only a matter of time until you sneak a box of hair dye into your shopping cart - you can't hide anymore. You look at older people's skin and take out a second mortgage to buy preventative skin aging products to avoid that fate, but it's probably too late - the sun kissed, melanoma ridden summers you had as a teen have already decided that fate, but you'll proceed with your skin treatments to feel better about it. You're finding limitations to your body now - suddenly a jog around the block needs an extra support bra or knee brace, and will include a mental negotiation about if it will be worth the week of soreness or sprained muscle that will follow, to which you nix the workout and opt for a salad for dinner instead. Cholesterol and Sodium are things you think about now. You hear your favorite old bands referred to as 'classics' or 'throw backs.' You consciously don't have caffeine after 3 pm. You ask yourself if you've had a vegetable today. You ask your parents about their health more, because you care of course, and you're curious about what genetic blessings await you. Basically, you're faced with the harsh reality that aging is upon you. *insert meme or GIF of wailing celebrity on that one show that totally fits what you're doing on the inside*

But that's not all - other things are happening too! You reminisce about the past as if it were centuries ago, and you begin to remember people and memories you thought you had forgotten. Some good - like the friends that you wouldn't have survived high school without, the late-night Whataburger trips in college for study groups that really turned into night-long hang out sessions and inside jokes that still make you giggle, the first date you had with your now spouse, that shopping trip with your mom and sister when you found perfect wedding dress, the nightmare-ish first year of marriage memories that make you realize how far you really HAVE come, or the proud moments in you and your spouse's careers. Some bad - like the ex-boyfriend you never should have wasted your time on, the friendships that didn't survive the years and miles, the failures you faced, the bad haircut you got that one summer, or the loved ones you miss that are no longer here to see your life now.

But as you reminisce because of this emotional day approaching, my advice to you is this - think ahead too. Think ahead to that age you wouldn't IMAGINE thinking about now - one birthday-inspired mental breakdown at a time, right? But go there, think about the next milestone age... now ask yourself, how do you want to remember these years? What good times, what bad times survived, what successes, what moments of victory do you want to reflect on then? Tomorrow's memories are today's MOMENTS - and you have the chance to make them great. I'm certain that in a year, maybe ten I'll look back at this blog, the hilariously pathetic nights I spent crying about turning 30, and the production I made about turning 30 - and laugh.

So aging human, it's going to be okay. People are going to tell you that this was their 'favorite' age, some will laugh and call you a baby, others will say that it only gets worse so you better enjoy it now - but I hope you'll remember my words too - tomorrow's memories are today's MOMENTS - and you have the chance to make them great. So put the lid on your Bengay, fold up off your afghan, and do something today that your future self will be glad you did. Aging is inevitable, it's happening, and you're doing it - HOW you do it is up to you. So-in-so is yes, more successful than you, yes, that person is living their dream, and yeah - you might not be there yet. Yeah, there are things you thought you'd accomplished by now - and thinking about those things will make you question whether you should even try anymore. But take it from me, the Queen of Self-loathing based upon comparison, you might not be there today, but it's up to you if you get there someday. Fight the urge to quit since you're not there now and do something to get you there one day. Replace those thoughts of what you haven't done yet, with memories of the things you have. Someone is looking at your life wishing they were where you are.

Aging human - you've got this. Blow out the candles (as bright and plenty as they are now) then shut off the smoke detector (te he, that was mean) and smile. People will always want to celebrate you on this day - YOU - so let them. They think you're pretty great - and for good reason. Celebrate life and make this coming year more exciting than the last. You deserve it - and you won't regret it.

Sincerely,
Thirty, Not Flirty, & Crying


::BONUS TRACK::

To make 30 more bearable/something to look forward to - I gave myself a challenge to do 30 things I'd never done before! Here's a list of my 30 before 30 Challenge I started in December:

1. Tickets to Adele
2. Tried a macaroon
3. Booked a Celebrity Mascot for a work event
4. Tried Chicken & Waffles
5. Completed Wood Project using my own power tools
6. Visited the Dogwood Trails in East Texas
7. Shot a rifle and handgun
8. Picked my own berries
9. Made my own pottery from clay
10. Worked out on vacation!
11. Went to Top Golf
12. Completed 18 holes of golf... from golf cart ;)
13. Sat in the Splash Zone at Sea World
14. Petted a Sting Ray
15. Went down a water slide/ride
16. Went on a mini-roadtrip
17. Visited the Sam Houston Statue in Huntsville, TX
18. Visited the Chromosauruses in Ft. Worth, TX
19. Spent a day watching Netflix
20. Tried Yoga
21. Visited the Houston Children's Museum
22. Organized a concert!
23. Became a coffee drinker (iced coffee)
24. Received a teaching training certificate for ESL
25. Went camping with my husband
26. Baked a pie!
27. Tried caviar
28. Learned to make balloon animals
29. Tried archery (sorta)
30. Got tickets to see Rend Collective!

Before You #Hashtag...

There is a trend that I am a big fan of. This trend can summarize a thought or joke in a word, explain sarcasm when needed, or complete a thought or moral of the story without being wordy... one symbol + one word or phrase = the #HASHTAG! I love it! I use it almost daily, even in actual verbal conversation! I'm a big fan, it's a hoot.

There is another trend right now using the #Hashtag that I want to warn my friends and family of. This trend has been applied to court rulings, political parties, current events, even teen movie love interests and it is a fad with the power to separate families, colleagues, friends, and neighbors. How? By using this beloved #hashtag to draw a line in the sand. Are you #TeamPeta? #TeamJacob? Are you a #HillaryHater? Do you think that #SomeLivesMatter? Well friends... be careful.


I've heard it said that, "If you stand for nothing, you fall for anything." That's funny, because I don't see a whole lot of strength coming from taking a stand behind your #Hashtag. No, sadly, this line-in-the-sand-are-you-with-me-or-against-me mentality is doing quite the opposite. So here is my prayerful plea - Think before you #Hashtag, think before you draw that line in the sand. Think and pray before you pick a side and wave that banner proudly.

See, it's been brought to my attention through God's Word that the Enemy never succeeded by encouraging unity. From the beginning of time the slithery being of evil crept into garden, the hearts, and the minds of God's people with the intent to divide. We see it again in kingdoms and countries all throughout our history. And today, via the #hashtag, we use our right to free speech to declare a side, a team, and a mindset that we can't take back.

For a country of strong, self-reliant, open-minded people - we sure are gullible in falling in to the REAL trap that's been set: If we are not united, we will fall. Let me say that again for it to really sink in - IF WE ARE NOT UNITED... WE WILL FALL. That, ladies and gents, should terrify you.


I read an article, that quizzed foreigners - it asked them what surprised them the most when they visited the USA and one stuck out to me. The answers were meant (I think) to be funny, but this one was eye-opening. I don't remember the exact phrase, but it was along the lines of being surprised that a country claiming to be the United States of America had such patriotism toward their STATE more than America.

*blinks*

Guys... I'm from TEXAS. It's been drilled into me from infancy, when I received my first pair of cherry red cowboy boots, to be a proud, friendly, polite TEXAN. When I visit other countries, I say I'm from TEXAS! I secretly judge other people when they move out of state (how could anyone born in Texas voluntarily leave? We have it all, you want trees, go to Tyler; You want desert, go to El Paso; You want snow in the Winter, go to Amarillo; You want a beach, go to Corpus Christi!) Holy cow - it's true, and I'm admittedly guilty of it!

How very, very sad. Isn't it?

So when I say for strong people, we're gullible - I'm including myself in this. I am proud to be an AMERICAN - yes a Texan, but I don't want to fall for this scheme anymore!

There is no doubt that the Enemy has found his stronghold - it is division - and it's working. It's been as subtle as provincial preference and as blatant as gender allowances, racial/profession profiling, or sexual orientation! But we're blind to it, in fact we're standing up for it, and using the trusty #hashtag to show where our allegiances lie. Be careful friends.

So in a country that, especially today, is choosing a side, #hashtagging away, and filling our lives with division, my prayer is that you will think and pray before you do the same. Yes, it's okay to be sad and angry and hurt for the injustice in our nation, but it's not okay to divide, it's not okay to hate, it's not okay to place judgement on masses because of the sins of few. Think. Pray. Unite. We must friends, we simply have to.

"Be sober-minded and alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in your faith and in the knowledge that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kinds of suffering." 1 Peter 5:8-9

Coke Machine God

Faith is a priority to me. Understanding God, seeking Him, and living each day for His glory are not things I do well, but things I have in the forefront of my mind each day and strive for. Sometimes when I talk to God He places something on my heart that I feel I need to pass on, and today's entry is just that. Fear not, I'm sure an amusing post will follow soon - you just never know with this Fairytale of mine - but I hope you gain wisdom and insight from what the Lord is revealing.

It has occurred to me lately that Christians are often plagued with a very tempting, yet heretical paradigm shift in times of trouble. Let me paint you a picture:
Imagine with me that each time you go to church, each time you attend an additional Bible study throughout the week, serve on a mission trip, serve the community, donate to charity, open your Bible, join a committee, pray at night, don't do what the world does, don't watch that movie or tv show, you refrain from language or behavior the Bible frowns on, etc. your receive a shiny new quarter. You store it away in some fabulous imaginary designer bag or coin purse (mine would likely contain enough glitter to dress a cheer leading squad and flannel ...because that's just the kind of enigma I am).

UNTIL...

Times of trouble occur. This could be a spectrum of things - illness, bad news, loss of wages, loss of employment, death, divorce, heart ache, injury, the plague - you get it - times get tough, as they always will. 

HARK!

You remember your dazzling coin purse, filled to the brim with shiny new coins that you earned. You take a deep breath, you insert a coin into the abyss, make your selection from the spectrum of choices (healing, peace, a raise at work, a new job, comfort, restoration, etc.) and death stare at the receptacle waiting for your earnings to payoff.
This, my friends - is a problem. 
Keep staring. Keep waiting. You're going to notice something happen. First, you're going to get impatient, then angry, then question what all those 'good deeds' were for.

Let me explain why:

DID YOU KNOW?
Hindus believe in karma, the law of cause and effect by which each individual creates his own destiny by his thoughts, words and deeds. See: https://www.himalayanacademy.com/readlearn/basics/nine-beliefs Spoiler alert - this is not Christianity.

DID YOU KNOW?

That the Bible refers to good works many times, BUT almost all of them are in reference to loving God's people humbly. And yes, those things will please God, and you will be rewarded, but in how and when He desires. See for yourself: http://www.openbible.info/topics/doing_good_deeds  

Here's the truth. The Coke Machine God does not exist. No amount of shiny, imaginary quarters will be enough to deposit for immediate gratification - sorry. In fact, I'm not aware of a single answer to immediate gratification (other than the Cupcake ATM - that thing is gold). 

Let's paint another picture:
You embark on an ever changing, ever winding road with our Creator. You seek His guidance along the way, you read His word, and out of that relationship flows the desire to seek Him more, to fellowship with His people, to serve those that don't know Him - that friends, is the Lord making His desires the desires of your heart. ("Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4) There is no check list. No attendance sheet. Just pure love that pours out of a mutual love between you and God.

This road will not be without times of trouble. You'll still encounter those moments of illness, bad news, loss of wages, loss of employment, death, divorce, heart ache, injury, the plague - BUT - because of your relationship with God and the faith you have put in Him, you'll know that as much as your situation sucks - you're okay and you're not alone. Your situation may not change overnight, it may not change at all even - but know this friends: the outcome does not reflect His ever-present, always gracious, love for you. So what do you do? If the life you live, the relationship you have with God doesn't necessarily make times of trouble go away, and it's not of value to 'cash in' on rainy days - what do you do.

I'm still digging into this myself. But here's where I am now - take it or leave it. You, in no particular order, take a deep breath, cry, pray, get angry, ask 'why?', call your mom, call your friends, vent, pray some more, THEN - remember this: it is temporary. 

Yes, even the permanent changes. Because, take heart friends, this life on this earth will have seasons, but like all seasons - they come and go. And bonus - this life on this earth is a fragment of time compared to the ETERNITY we have coming. I know, cliche, but what better way to look at times of trouble than staring at it, realizing 'aint nobody got time for that, and telling it "you'll be gone soon."  

Give it priority in your life and that is exactly what it will become. Put it on a shelf to reflect on from time to time and that's what you'll do. Give it completely to God - I mean plop it at the feet of the Father to handle and walk away knowing you've outsourced it to the Great Healer, Comforter, Protector - and that's exactly what will happen. He'll take care of it, He'll protect and comfort you while His ultimate will is done. Now, I'm a sensitive person - so the tiniest offense can send me tail spinning into a time of trouble - but yall, this is where I'm at - I pick myself up, dry my tears, and remind myself that it's temporary, it's minute, I'm okay and I'm not alone.

So friends, let's ceremoniously empty our imaginary coin purses (as fabulously glittery and flannelly as they may be) and embrace a relationship with God that will truly be an ever present help in trouble. Coke Machine God doesn't exist, but the God of the Universe, the Lord of lords, the King of kings does - and he LONGS for an actual, real, unfettered, unconditional relationship with you. 

Tamatha, the Annual Blogger

Well. I lied. My hiatus was not an irregular occurrence. Life whips and turns and juggles me around, and I find myself on the other side of a year finally finding time to sit at a computer...again. Apparently I am a once-a-year blogger. So I better make this one good. ;)

My sitcom life in the RV didn't last TOO long. My roommates and pup did a great job in the blessing we called home, and although it was cold most nights, smelled like a boys locker room much of the time, and all showering and restroom-ing took place half a mile away in a 'club room' - it really could have been worse. I passed my test and became a licensed in insurance. I started a fantastic and fast-paced job with wonderful people and learned a lot about myself (most of which included tear-filled prayers about why customers are so mean). I also got real cozy with a 45 minute one-way commute, that I despised more than the boys' locker room smell in my temporary home. Houston traffic is no exaggeration. After about 6 weeks, we found a home that didn't have to be hooked up, with lots of room. We added a furry family member, and named him after a dinosaur (naturally). THEN something amazing happened. I received an email out of the blue one day, inquiring about an old resume found online from my pre-move-job-search days! Who found this you ask? None other than the big 'ole Baptist church I drove by LITERALLY everyday - in walking distance of our home! After a couple interviews, a Mexico vacation, and an answered prayer I was offered the job as a ministry assistant for one of the largest churches in the area!

It's been wonderful!

Not without bouts of homesickness. Not without quarks. Not without lengthy tear-filled calls to my family. Not without hiccups. But no adventure is.

What have I learned this year?

I've learned how to trust beyond the borders I'm used to, and every moment was terrifying.
I've learned that long commutes let you catch up with old friends and family you don't see much anymore.
I've learned that time with family is never to be taken for granted or wasted.
I've learned that church families are vital to growth and the one I had back home has been irreplaceable.
I've learned that little sisters are best friends you can't ever get enough of.
I've learned how to make healthy choices to extend my life - but pizza and sweet tea will always get in the way.
I've learned that our ability to swim and not sink involves obedience and favor from God.
I've learned that my husband is my very best friend, and there's no body on this planet that gets me the way he does.

This adventure has only begun. I'm not going to promise to frequent this blog for your entertainment each week, but I will promise that as God leads me - I will impart the ugly truth and hilarious lessons the next year hold.

To The Sensitive Sallies...

My whole life I have been ostracized for attributes my gender takes full blame for. I'm the last to know things, approached with extreme caution in emergency situations, and the consumer of tissues in even the Greeting Card isle. It is not a bad thing, it is not our fault, and it is not a mystery - anymore. There are ways to work with us. To my fellow Sensitive Sallies - this is for you.

1. DO NOT with hold information from us because you fear how we'll 'react.' Chances are - if a reaction is feared - a reaction is a rational response! If you fear a blubbering mess with one shoe and a shirt inside out showing up to the ER to see you - well - you put yourself in the ER - you're welcome for the shirt at all.

2. DO NOT start a sentence with "I'm okay - but..." Seriously? Let's examine this with even a non-emotional person. "I'm okay - BUT"  - um, tell me Heartless Henry - your heart doesn't jolt for a second wondering what the HECK is coming next?       Liar.       Just sayin'.  
     Caller - if you're okay - fabulous  - end with that - tell me what's NOT okay so the relief from that statement will halt whatever spastic Superwoman motion that's probably in progress with the not okay part. 

3. DO NOT let us hear from someone else. Nothing is worse than the caught-off-guard emotion. "I'm so sorry so-in-so was in the hospital" or "I bet you're so excited about so-in-so's news" - ummm - this is the definition of ouch to anyone - but for a Sensitive Sally - you're now dealing with an entire spectrum of emotions. Shock first. Then anger. Then insecurity. Then a frantic glance at cell phone. A fake laugh and or smile. Then hurt feelings. Then anger again. Then curiosity. *If you're the messenger - abort. Just leave. Fast. The facial expressions you see are only the tip of the iceberg. The extensive list of questions that are about to pour out of the fake-smiling-crazy-eyed person you're speaking to will be too much for you. Simply nod. Smile. And run. *If you're the person the messenger is referring to - shame on you. You deserve the phone call you're about to get. And you'll remember it the next time you have news you 'forget' to tell a Sensitive Sally. (I believe I may have just jumped to the top of the phone tree from some readers... hopefully.)

4. DO NOT whisper. Seriously? Everyone knows that Sensitive Sallies have bionic hearing. You think you're being clever? Pshh, giiirl - we think we know what you just said. We're formulating a more-than-likely exaggerated/completely false version of truth we believe we just heard in our heads - and you better pray that the Sensitive Sally hearing it loves Jesus and won't spread that gossip anywhere. You'll be amazed at how quickly a whispered, "Do you have a tampon?" can turn into "Oh my gosh, did you hear that me and Prince Henry are eloping to Russia to adopt African birds of prey, but don't tell so-in-so because I hate her and she smells." and you'll be even more shocked at how fast it can spread throughout a room in 10 minutes.
     If you're whispers are not directed toward the sensitive Sally - well - you better believe that she thinks they are now. She's probably tearing up, making a mental list of what she think she just heard, and over-thinking it more than any normal person would, and will likely find a reason to politely leave... so that she can cry in her car. 

5. DO NOT leave us out. If you receive a call when Sensitive Sally goes to dinner, has a party, has a cold, had a baby, has a birthday, goes to the mall, etc - you should probably give her a call when any of the mentioned happens to you. Some Sallies are a bit extreme in this - but ones like me - think it's a common courtesy to be included in things we want to include you in. This normally ends up with Rule 3 taking place - and no body likes 2 strikes on their record to they? It stinks for anybody to be the last one picked in gym class - but for a Sensitive Sally - last ones picked usually grow up to be the crazy cat ladies... or find themselves on Pinterest for hours each night... a-hem. Anyways. Even as a courtesy - remember the Sallies - your tone will tell the Sally if you're invitation is sincere - in fact a sincere one will probably come with a comped meal and gift basket delivered later! Ha!

6. DO NOT mistake all tears for sad ones. Tears have a bad rap. They normally exit with the same terrible, unattractive face - but they don't always mean the same thing. Sensitive Sallies will cry generally with every emotion. Joy. Fear. Sadness. Laughter. Pain. Gilmore Girls ending. Good food.  We're crying. It's not all bad! So do not tell us to stop. If you do - you too are expected to not blink during sneezes, jump when you're startled, or breathe. Ever. It's not something we can help. So grab a tissue for us, lie and say we're cute criers, and get over it. 

I'm sure there are more helpful hints on dealing with the Sensitive Sally in your life - but this is all I could manage for now. And to my dear husband who decided to call me when he had a fender bender today... after the cop... and the insurance guy... and workplace... and after you returned to work.... I love you and am glad you're okay.... sniff sniff. See Rules 1 & 2 and we'll talk later. I'll bring the tissues. ;)

Gotta love my Feasible Fairytale.

Red, White, & Blue In The Face

It has been WAY too long since I have posted. But if you've read my blog at all you know that this is a tool that I use as a much more affordable mode of therapy. So my absence simply alludes to the calmness that I've been surrounded by lately.......... OR that I've been so very very busy the past few months that 'Oh, I need to blog about this' hasn't even been in question in the midst of the whirl wind life I'm living in these days. I'll let you decide which caused my hiatus, but either way - I'm back!

In the wake of another tragedy in the USA, I'm back to explain an idea that I think many Americans share. The idea of defining Patriotism. 

Now. I'm no Toby Keith. I don't own American flag ball caps and honestly, I'm not sure I fully understand the gravity of the true meaning of Independence Day. I enjoy a good hot dog. I love fireworks. I worship freely and understand that many countries don't. I have friends in the military that have served in war zones. I am married to a United States Sailor, who served as a reservist for 3 years. I understand that our country's foundations are being challenged. I voted. I pray for our President. I am proud to be an American. 

Buuuut I've never been comfortable showing it. 

How do you 'show it'? To be patriotic do I have to sport a flag sticker on my car window? Do I have to wear tiny 'God Bless America' pins to my clothes everyday? Or is it enough that I become absolutely ENRAGED, SICK, & SADDENED when terrorism of any kind (foreign or domestic) messes with any other state in my country? 

I felt physical pain when terrorism hit a Colorado movie theater recently, and a High School years before. I was in tears for days when I saw news reports about the Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre. When I think back to the morning I went to school on September 11th, 2001, to hear and see TV's in every class room with images of  New York under attack, it still puts a lump in my throat. Is that Patriotism?

It's happened again. Terrorism has hit my country. Boston, with other states and countries with residents in attendance, are healing from loss and tragedy from a day set aside for the celebration of Patriotism. It made me realize that what they were celebrating has never really been understood by myself and, if I were to guess, many Americans like me. We eat our hot dogs  we wear our red, white, and blue, and put our hand over our heart during the Anthem and Pledge of Allegiance, but if you're like me, you never really embraced the Patriotism behind it. 

Don't worry, you're not going to start seeing me reenacting war scenes in my back yard or waving a flag on the side of the road singing the National Anthem, but I will stand up today and declare proudly that America is a country that CANNOT BE BROKEN BY EVIL. People and organizations will try - but I think it's safe to say, that if you mess with one of us - you mess with all of us. That is Patriotism. The truth is that in times like this - sexual orientation, gun laws, and politics disappear - while our county rallies together to protect and pray for our own. That is Patriotism.

So if you're reading this and have never considered yourself 'patriotic' like I had, remember that it doesn't take a guns-a-blazin' country song, a sequin red, white, and blue vest, or a history book collection to embrace the love for the country we live in. I hope you too, will see the blessings we're given by a country we often take for granted and stand united during, yet again, another tragedy our country is facing. A little patriotism goes far. Thank you Boston for reminding me.

pa·tri·ot·ism

  [pey-tree-uh-tiz-uhm or, esp. British, pa-] 

noun

devoted love, support, and defense of one's country; national loyalty.

Meals On Wails

Being a wife is wonderful. I love when I can cook, clean, work to provide income for my family, and do charitable work all in one day! To accomplish a craft or two in that day would be ideal - but I'm not there yet. What I did add to this day, that did in fact happen, was a tear filled car ride... *sigh* Let me paint this picture for you:

I get a call at work, in the middle of a huge, time-sensitive project, from our local Meals on Wheels. It hits me like a ton of bricks. I had FORGOTTEN that I was supposed to fill in for the staff members that normally volunteer for a Meals on Wheels route. As luck would have it, our back-up person that is familiar with the route was also out for the day - so that meant I would be filling in... having never even assisted with the route our company is responsible for. I apologetically talk to the woman who informs me that I am already 20 minutes late for the normal route time. Now, I was briefed - very briefly - the day before on what to expect. But I neglected to write down anything that I was told (which is very unlike me).

So off I go. Trying to remember street names, parking lot locations, etc. I race down the road unsure of where I'm going. Then, out of no where, I see a truck in the left lane with a 'Meals on Wheels Driver' sign in his window - I swerve to the left lane and follow - unsure of where he's taking me. What do you know - he drives right to the Meals on Wheels location!! and keeps driving - he wasn't even going there! (this was a total Jesus occurance, I'm sure of it - why else would he just drive by the place and not stop?! - I could have creepilly followed this poor guy through his entire route!)

I pull into the parking lot and race inside. There is virtually no one in the room, that I was told is normally PACKED with people, except a sweet woman with a name tag, 3 insulated bags full of food, and a patient smile. She hands me a stack of papers including a list of 13 names and locations, a map, and a handbook and wishes me luck.

I'm now in my car. Staring at my map. I stared as if I were waiting for 'Tom Tom' to appear on the paper and tell me to take a left out of the parking lot. 'Tom Tom' never spoke. I crawled down streets glancing from paper to street signs, paper to street signs, as they did in the stone age (aka 10 years ago... I was driving 10 years ago... so this fact makes me feel incredibly old of course, as if I needed one more reason to cry). After I finally go the correct direction down the street my first location is on, it's already 12:15, and these people normally have their food and are happy and full by now!

Leave it to me to not only affirm stereotypes of female driving standards, but to withhold food from the elderly and disabled in my community! Winner.

I take a deep breath and start my mission. I am approached by a resident anxious to help me - I obviously looked like the new kid. She told me she had gotten wind from neighbors that they hadn't received their food today... the food in my pocession, so she was anxious to rescue her starving friends. She walks me through the list, and we, a team now, go down the list handing out warm edible bricks of gold. When we finished the majority of the list, I had 3 more locations to find, and my partner wished me luck.

Tell me. Architects of the world. Why would odd numbered buildings be located accross the street, at a separate location, looking nothing in apppearance like the location with even numbers? Any ideas? 'Cause I don't! But I sure asked myself this over and over as I hiked around the property as if it were Jerico. I asked it in a different tone when my first tears fell... from shear pathetic hopelessness. It was quite a pathetic scene. Believe me. Now, by this time I'm starting to get hungry - which only feeds my guilt of starving these poor people who's homes are hiding from me; which in turn adds to the the pitiful under-my-breath-while-crying-in-public rant I have going while, apparently, waiting for the walls to fall. *sigh*

I finally finish my route... 1 hour and 4 minutes later. What. A. Day.

I freshen my makeup and head back to work to finish my day, thinking about what a feat that was. My encounter is like nothing I read in fairytales. Snow White did this every day! Feeding bearded men, cleaning, cooking, maintaining a balanced diet of fruits (ba ha) and never needed to freshen her makeup! That's why I'm writing my own. This feasible fairytale stars a princess with poor directional skills, who cries often (especially during sensitive times of the month), and learns something new each day.

What did I learn on this day? Well.
1. Do NOT embark on journies alone that you have never seen before.
2. Learn to read a map.
3. Crying in public is rarely acceptable... and always pathetic.

A New Tire, Tylenol, and a Latte Please

Finding a new place to live is becoming as common as ordering a latte for our Fairytale. In the 2.5 years my sweet hub and I have been married, we're approaching our THIRD move. *sigh* Just call us nomads. In fact, pitching a tent may be what we HAVE to settle with if this third moving adventure doesn't find solace soon. Let me explain - I'm a visual person:


December 31, 2009 - Married

Move 1: July 1, 2010 - Moved from Apartment Bachelor Pad to Rental House/Electricity Pit

Move 2 (1/2): August 1, 2011 - Homelessness/Literal Roaming from Couch to Couch
Move 2 (1/2): September 1, 2011 - Moved Back to Apartment (Less Bachelor Pad-ish this time)

Move 3: September 11, 2012 - Our 30 days notice is up...

So - if you're seeing the date of this Blog entry - you can see that we have 24 days to find a place to live. Or we're homeless again.

Now, I promise, each move has had a motive, we're not just itching for a headache; however, we could probably own stock in Tylenol.

Move 1 Motive: a tiny 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom apartment with no 'time out' space is a recipe for horror film/newlywed disaster. Not to mention the unfavorable location of said disaster was the location of a fender bender, car break in, drunken woman at front door, and the potty training location for our dogter.

Move 2 Motive: the selling of my kidney to pay for $400 electric bill in a 700 square foot space. Okay... so my kidney is intact, but you get it. REDICULOUS UTILITY BILLS.

Move 3 Motive: the 'unfavorable location' we were soooo wise to willingly return to has been the location of yet another car break in (resulting in over $1200 in property stolen), an audible upstairs birth control (a.k.a 3 year old that apparently never learned to walk, only run and jump... at night), and as of 1 week ago, a SLASHED TIRE ON MY HUSBAND'S BRAND NEW TRUCK.

Break out the boxes... AGAIN.

So. Why put our notice in if we didn't have a place to live you ask? Well, we did. A perfect place! A perfect neighborhood! A perfect price! We had paid the deposit and were signing the lease and in bold letters:

Tenant agrees to     []inside   []outside only   [X]no      pets.

No Pets?! Uhhh.... whoops. Now. This is a long story. But the short version is: thought I could give away dog, was wrong, hubby loves me, told the land lord sorry. And NOOOOW we're in a bind. Naturally, the very next call was a "wait!!" call to the apartment complex... who informed us that our apartment had already been rented upon our departure. AAAAGGGGHHH! So. Here we are. Move #3 in progress. With homelessness as a grave possibility. God is good, and we're not too worried (yet). But oh our Fairytale, gotta love it! ;)

And I'll have no whip cream on that latte please. Thank you.

Blank-Canvas-itis

*insert cricket noise*










Can you imagine?.... blankness? ME?!

The amazing church I am apart of has an occasional gift on Sunday mornings that intrigues the creative and tortures the A.D.D. Every once in a while we will have 1-2 prophetic artists create amazing pieces of art inspired by something the Lord reveals to them before/during worship. The artists will start with a completely blank canvas, and by the end of the worship hour, the completed work is BREATH TAKING.

Now. I've been known to let my creative juices flow from time to time. People compliment me all the time on being 'creative.' In fact, since I can remember, it's been one of the words regularly associated with me. Now, I say this not to brag - it's actually mildly pathetic that my claim to fame is having ideas on turning a paper bag into wall art... not world peace... not intellectual advances for society... nope... I can use a glue gun. I digress. Anyways, so, seeing as I'm the 'go to girl' for all things needing creating, I've been ITCHING to get my hands on a canvas myself, and to see what pours out of me.

And it happened! I received a glorious text message from a cousin that knew my interest, inviting me to borrow a canvas and paint and have a painting night. *cue angelic chorus* It was my chance! She came over, canvas, paints, and brushes in tow. We set everything up, looked at our canvas and......






*cricket noise*






Seriously. That's what happened. NOTHING. I sat and sat. Thought and thought. Pinterest ideas flooding my mind and NOTHING. I attempted one of the cute word art things I've seen a thosand times... and people. I morphed into a 9 year old child right before my eyes. Suddenly, my handwriting was rediculous, the paint brush in my hand turned into a noodle, and the canvas looked like it had come right out of a 3rd grade meet-the-teacher-night. I painted over my 'masterpiece' and stared some more at the blank (now black) canvas in front of me. This was embarassing. I was supposed to be Creative Barbie, complete with a hand made apron and miniature modge-podge bottle.

What happened? Where was my creativity? Where was my skill?! The canvas won. I lost.

Then, I remembered that creativity doesn't always have to be done with a paint brush. I've told this blank canvas adventure a few times to people, and as I tell it, I realize that 'my art don't need no stinking paintbrush.' My art is my words!

I've always loved to write. I had a poem published when I was 13. I was editor of my High School Newspaper my Senior year. Competed in journalism competitions. I was a headline writer for my College Newspaper. Writing is my art.

I love that even through this blog I can allow people to nod their heads in agreement, chuckle, or roll their eyes. I love that I can give you a word image of something from my Feasible Fairytale, and you have a better understanding of who I am. Looking at a great sculpture, a beatiful painting, or any other art can do the same. I'm just much too talkative to not do it with words. So thanks for reading my canvas! I think I'll hang up my paintbrushes for a while... until a 3rd grader can show me how it's done.

Happy 4th of... too old for this!

Here's how this story starts:
RING RING
Me: "Hello?"
Hub: "Hey... wanna go to East Texas for the 4th?"
Me: "Umm that's tomorrow, as in, leave tonight when you get off?"
Hub: "Yep"
Me: "As in, drive the 5 hours back after the fireworks to be home for work Thursday?"
Hub: "Yep"

* Let me pause here. The responsible adult thing that should come is "Nah, that sounds like fun honey, but we really shouldn't, we have to work and that's a really long drive.".... Here's what happened instead:

Me: "Awww, yay! We're young and spontaneous! I'll pack us a bag as soon as I get home!"

Here's how this story ends.

Me. Driving. Adele blaring through the speakers. Energy drink by my side. Hubby snoring sweetly beside me. GPS bossing me as usual. Clock changing from 11pm to 1am to 2:30 am, etc.

I had a lot of thinking to do in between chorus lines... I am NOT as young and spontaneous as I thought I was.

What happened to the days when 3:30am was when me and my Jr. High buddies finished up our hundredth prank call to cute boys in the year book? What happened to the days when 3:30am is when me and my fellow college students crammed a Whataburger taquito into our late night "study time?" What happened to the days when 3:30am was when me and my, then, boyfriend, finally said goodnight for the billionth time? Where did the time go?

At 3:30am on the 5th of July, I was pulling groggy eyed up to my apartment, with a wonderful husband, a car that is paid off, a sweet fur baby in the back seat, happy to be alive and AWAKE and suddenly aware that age may not be such a scary thing. The laugh lines growing and the multiplying premature grays may not be so bad after all. If it means more memories behind them, and more lessons learned at 3:30am - adulthood and non-spontaneous road trips - bring. it. on. :)

Joyful Stranger

Well hello. It has certainly been a while! About 3 months! Why the absence? Well, it could be the new job, the wonderful companionship of my husband with a new job as well, the endless piles of laundry that STILL never seem to get done, the baby shopping I've been doing for my new nephew or my unborn neice due anyday, or the fluffy cloud of bliss I've been floating on for a few months not having gps. I'll let you choose.

Yes, it's true. Life has been good. Not perfect, but good. My feasible fairytale was bound to contain a FEW high points among the sea of comedic lows. And so it has. Normally I would approach this seemingly perfect period with my regular adorable pessimism waiting for it to end - but not this time. Cliche as it may sound, we've taken a different course of action. Rather than tiptoeing on happiness, waiting to trip over a terrible 'never saw that coming' circumstance - I've chosen to march onward valliantly, knowing that IF that 'never saw that coming' circumstance crops up, I DID experience bliss for a while, and bliss is allowed second helpings. Sure, crud happens, but so does blessing! Why live life waiting for the crud instead of enjoying the blessing?! Now I know, easy to say on THIS side, right? Well, that's why I'm writing it - you silly people think I just write for you? (...I do, don't listen to me) I know myself all to well, and reverting to my REALISTIC outlook is pretty much inevitable. BUUUUT, if I have record of knowing joy comes sometimes too, I'll have no choice but to push through the crud life finds itself in and wait for the blessing to come creeping out (to which I will throw it a party, buy it a pony, and never let it go).

So this joyful stranger just wanted to check in and say "Nanner Nanner, I'm happy,*sticks out tongue*" and testify to the power of the paradigm shift. Change your thinking, wait for good,  understand that good is really God's way of rewarding you for being strong through the crud, and never take it for granted. Thus sayith me.